Cleverest Pickup Lines
Pickup lines are a very tricky business. They’re always gross to the extent where they deserve a slap. If they’re not scary, they’re so sloppy that they deserve an eye roll that’s so stunningly dramatic, cynical, and mischievous that the shame-stink of it’s going to haunt you forever, like the spray of a skunk. And they’re not making tomato juice that can wash away your soul’s guilt.
We’re here to change that. We want to arm you with the boldest and toughest, but non-slappy and non-shamey pickup lines you can use on a possible partner. These lines are going to make an impact without the fear of a woman leaving an imprint of her hand on your cheek.
10. “No, I’m not this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.”
It’s no secret that women want a man with wealth. It’s not a matter of finding gold; it’s a matter of not being trapped with an unemployed loser whose annual profits can be counted on his hands and feet.
Although this line will definitely catch a glance, the drawback lies: short guys will reveal the fact that the small guy is trying to pick up the Amazon at the bar will only get smaller when he reaches for his wallet to pay for dinner, thus emphasising the guy’s wealth. Being wealthy means a lot of physical impediments.
9. “If Looks Could Kill, You’d Be a Weapon of Mass Destruction.”
It’s always good to compare a beautiful lady with something which can kill millions. Oh, may you compare them to the Black Death, right? But putting that aside, this line isn’t about contrasting the beauty of a human to that of a nuclear bomb; it’s about a clever, creative twist on the classic adage “if looks could kill.” It’s a line that can be easily imagined slipping effortlessly from the lips of John Shaft himself. This line is best combined with a stiff beer, a mean strut, and a noble side, one mainly used for love, and secondarily used as a fist for pummeling fools.
8. “Girl, if You Were Words on a Page, You’d Be FINE Print.”
Nothing gets a girl in the mood than suggesting that her degree of hotness is equal to the subtle legal denoted by an asterisk at the bottom of a credit card statement.
7. “Is Your Name WiFi? Because I’m Really Feeling a Connection.”
Of all those pickup lines, where a girl is asked and the response from the man is based on the question — this one is a clear winner. Why does this happen? As the follow-up is typically such a gross, so profane, so reprehensible remark that it can be used only if you want your chauvinism to be knocked out.
Yeah, of course, it’s stupid to inquire if anyone is called WiFi. No one is called WiFi, and the only babies who will be named WiFi in the future will be so mercilessly mocked in their lives that they never will ever be found in common places where pickup lines are used.
But pick-up lines are by no means guaranteed to have you bumping uglies in the sack; they exist just to break the ice and get a giggle out of a potential partner, to get you started on the right foot, thereby opening the way for conversation. It’s a dumb line, but it can work on someone with enough charm and humour behind it.
6. “Like a Broken Pencil, Life Without You Is Pointless.”
How easily it is incorporated into the conversation can be seen in the beauty of this line. Many pickup lines are just as subtle as a cartoon caveman clubbing a cavewoman over his head with a mallet as his first and only way of wooing. This line is smooth and doesn’t leave horny desperation behind the rank aftertaste.
It’s smart without being too corny, and it has that romantic quality that you would have expected of a black detective from the 1930s, saying it just before he passionately takes his lady by the hands and puts a smooch on her lips so intense that the film must be cut to the end of the credits because there’s no way that anything will top it off.
5. “Hi, Do You Have a Few Minutes for Me to Hit on You?”
The fourth wall is breached by this line. It’s a meta-comment on pickup lines themselves, but it’s viable and profitable by itself at the same time. This is the very definition of an audacious line as it is losing all pretension and cuts into a quest without adore. The basic design of the line is enough to smash the iceberg. It’s a line that’s upfront about its thoughts, but it’s still playful. It says, “We all know how boring the dating world can be — so let’s have some fun with it.”
4. “If I Had Four Quarters to Give to the Four Prettiest Girls in the World, You Would Have a Dollar.”
Financial index flattery. This line refers to something unique for a beautiful woman. Everyone – man, woman, ghost, smart dog – loves to believe that they are the subjects of somebody’s desires alone. Start with the idea of splitting money on a lovely one, and knock her heart out and tell her that she is the only woman living who deserves the highest title you have ever seen. If that doesn’t have her panties in a heap, then you have to wait until the last call to try to catch any of the remains.
3. “Don’t Tell Me if You Want Me to Take You Out to Dinner. Just Smile for Yes, or Do a Backflip for No.”
Oh, nothing better than a clever verbal trap to entangle a woman’s affections. With this line, you can deviate from the norm and inject some insanity into the dating scene. It’s like a line that a member of Monty Python would, and possibly would, have used to score a date. Through this, you can spice up the typically acrid, sometimes awful world of pickup lines with something much more imaginative than anything a girl would hear at any given night.
2. “Do You Have a Tan or Do You Always Look This Hot?”
All looks better with a golden shade that the sun’s rays bestow upon them. There are so many lounges where people literally fire or spray people in the stove in orange goos to give them the radiant glow they want. Casually asking if a girl has a tan means she has a glow about her, that her skin tone makes her pop out of a dense crowd, often in a dark bar or club. If you say it in a casual tone, this line might catch a girl off guard. It’s bold without crossing a line, it’s firm without being offensive, it’s positive without making you sound like a slobbering sex dog.
1. “You’re So Beautiful That You Made Me Forget My Pickup Line.”
The fact that this anti-pickup line is actually a pickup line in itself is undeniable. It is a deviation from a couple of entries above. But again, if you are using a pickup line, why cover your intentions? Don’t hide it — have some fun with the idea of using a ridiculous line to try and pick up a girl by pointing to the irony of what you’re doing, and hope the girl you’re trying to chat up has the sense of humour to join in on the fun and give you the benefit of the doubt.