Stupid Questions With Clever Answers
There is a fine line between the serious scientific study and the wild wanderings of the madmen. Of course, we are most interested in this particular one. No serious person will ask the following questions but dammit, they would still receive serious answers.
How many Farts would it take to kill somebody?
Technically, “toxic” is not a joke when it comes to such flatulent activities. Our rectal expulsions include a variety of asphyxiants (gases that can cause death by suffocation). The most popular asphyxiant found in farts, nitrogen, is a fashionable new technique for the execution of inmates, and very non-breathable methane is also a high-percentage gas that appears to stick around after dinner. You’d just have to prevent those gases from dispersing to arm farts.
You’re going to need a room full of thousands, if not hundreds, of vacuum-sealed butts, and you’re going to need tubes from those separated anuses that lead to a breathing mask on the victim’s face. If the victim of this odd and awful retaliation begins to breathe in pure farts without interference from the ambient air, the nitrogen will begin to suffocate the oxygen contained in their lungs. And it will take about 605 farts to do so, but this requires a few, ahem, assumptions regarding both their lung capacity and the average amount of fart.
Death by fart would not have been as horrific as it sounds, comparatively speaking. The sensation of fear that follows suffocation comes from carbon dioxide build-up, not oxygen deprivation, so you go to sleep painlessly until you die, even if you smell the Great Arby’s Bathroom in the Sky. Anyway, please promise us that you will keep this sacred knowledge theoretical and avoid creating the most intricate yet childish death trap in the world. At least before we use ours — we want it to be special.
Why Don’t Pregnant People Tip Over?
Researchers who may have wanted to explain all the fetish words in their search history have been fascinated by the issue of how pregnant women remain upright. They cope with their balance centre moving forward by leaning back, but this places even more pressure on their muscles and the already weakened spinal column. And the spine, according to extensive research, is significant.
But what researchers have discovered, perhaps by trying to tip pregnant women over like cows, is that their spines curve over the extra vertebrae over the lower back relative to men, and they also have wider connecting points. This decreases pressure and avoids substantial discomfort that would otherwise have been expected. Our chimpanzee cousins don’t have this feature, meaning that this invention came about in response to our upright walking ascent.
How Long Can You Survive By Eating Yourself?
Let’s say you’ve made the mistake of going outside, and since then you’ve been stuck in a canyon or under a rock, or whatever else we’ve heard is out there. You’re waiting for help, but none of them arrives, because outdoors is the last place people would think they’re looking for you. After a few days, you’re so hungry that your leg turns into a steaming ham jersey when you look at it. Since there’s no one around to help you, there’s no one around to judge you either. So uh… how long could you survive by eating yourself?
The estimated response, given by someone likely to be on the government watch list, is 39 days, assuming that the person in question is initially in average health. You can research maniacal math for yourself, but in short, the human body packs about 213 calories per 100 grams (87.5 per cent of the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder). And because about 40 per cent of our body weight is stored in our limbs, you will hit your daily caloric requirement for more than a month before you run into the issue of having to nibble around your internal organs.
Granted, Dr Lecter’s thought experiment involves a variety of ridiculous assumptions, including that you would be both capable and eager to gnaw every limb off, and that the mechanism would not create a nasty viral infection. But this little investigation was simply a cover storey for the real issue of how long you should keep your greatest enemy alive while you enjoy it every day before you finally put them to death.
Why Don’t Any Animals Have Wheels?
The worlds of fantasy and myth are rife with wheeled animals, so why not the real world? After all, the wheel is an elegant mechanism, and it seems like there are obvious benefits to moving rapidly while using little energy.
The secret to this is to note that evolution is a process, not something that happens overnight. A giraffe with a little longer neck than the others would be able to climb slightly higher trees, which would eventually lead to a longer and longer neck period of the species over generations. In the meantime, the other giraffes will still chew, but not as good.
But either the wheel works or it doesn’t. A very circular semi-wheels thing can just be a hindrance, and evolution can’t create a feature that’s ideal for a get-go. We think of the wheel as a simple innovation, but it took until the Bronze Age and the emergence of expert carpentry techniques to nail the mechanism, and most of those dumb animals out there have not yet entered the Tool Age.
Often, the wheel must be separated from the axis on which it rotates, which ensures that it can not be part of the main body of the animal. Otherwise, all the fibres would become hopelessly intertwined after the first rotation, which would be both ruinous and gross. Consequently, it would be impractical to take nutrients and remove waste to and from that area. But the wheel can’t be biological, even though we’re holding out the hope that the monkeys can find out how to roll around on curled armadillos or something.
Do Fish Drink Water?
Let us address the question that we put in your mouth by asking you a question: do you prefer freshwater fish or saltwater fish?
“Huh? I don’t know,” you say, having been reduced to a fool for this imaginary conversation. However, it will be best to figure out the carp because the solution is completely based on the kind of fish we talk about. “Why?” you ask, however more humiliating. This is why we name osmosis — one of the things that we have discovered and long ago overlooked in middle school.
Molecules in solvent migrate from areas of low concentration of salt to areas of high concentration of salt. The insides of freshwater fish have a higher salt content than the outside water since their bodies are continuously absorbing water by osmosis by their permeable gills. Drinking water will be counter-productive to them, so they don’t. Water that enters their mouths when they’re doing fish stuff is being expelled right out. All these lovely bodies of freshwater are full of fish urine.
The exact opposite is true for saltwater fish. They have a lower proportion of salt than the water they’re in because their bodies are continually losing water. That makes it important for them to drink water the same way we do to avoid dehydration. Unlike humans, fish can efficiently filter salt out of the water. Even if we eat fish on Friday nights and then go and play video games, humanity still wins existence on the whole.
How Long Would It Take To Take Out a Swallowed Piece of Lego?
A dedicated team of child care experts conducted this crucial trial alone and obtained 1.71 days. They had been given a three-day stool log to hold after swallowing their pieces (specifically the Lego figurine’s head) and had to inspect their faeces after they had defecated. And to think people are entering the game, expecting to win the Nobel Prize.
Their bowel movements were measured with the Stool Hardness and transit score while the time it took to recover the Lego Scale was called the Found and Retrieved Time Scale; and you can understand why we, as comedy creators, are very bitter right now when you look at what they did there. There was no link between the two interventions such that there would be no apparent impact of the head or a similar item on the intestines and no need for a parent whose child had a birthday gift to panic and run to the doctor.
The researchers cautioned, however, that the tiny bodies of children function differently than those of adults, and this, combined with their tiny sample size of six, made the study “truly a little fun before the holidays.” Your children should still be perfectly safe unless they somehow choke on one of those giant 2×8 bricks. But all this poses a much broader question: why do some scientists think it’s fun to pick through their dirt?